Confessions of an "Ugly Girl"
Originally published February 26, 2002
"Oh, Stephanie, you’d be so pretty if you…” Fill in that blank with any number of things: dressed up more, wore makeup, did something different with your hair. And that’s the short list. Few phrases grate on my nerves like this one does. I don’t hear it so much anymore, but in high school, there were times it seemed that was all I heard.
My friends told me that all the time, meaning well, but missing the obvious inference. The same could be said for my parents. Then there was everyone else, the people whose opinions don’t really matter much to me. I don’t have self-confidence issues, and I probably never will, but I couldn’t miss the implication in this statement. “Gee, Steph. You could look very attractive if you changed everything about your appearance, but right now, you’re kind of ugly.” Oh, I realize this isn’t what my friends and family meant, but after awhile, one does start to wonder if those closest to you are trying to tell you something.
Even so, I haven’t done anything to change my appearance any. I still go for comfort over style. I avoid dresses at all costs, opting instead for jeans, t-shirts, and my favorite pair of tennis shoes. I don’t wear makeup, and my hair is always pulled back in a pony tail. I really don’t give a damn what other people think, but the insecurities are still there.
I’m sure my ex-boyfriend thought I was crazy when I asked him how he could possibly be attracted to me, but I was serious. I’m cool with the way I look, but I’d come to accept the fact that others were not. I couldn’t fathom the possibility that someone could find me even remotely attractive. If you think this is a hard problem for me to deal with, imagine what it does to girls with less self-confidence.
The root of this problem seems to lie in the way men react to women, especially really skinny women. Here’s a newsflash, boys. Most girls aren’t a size 4 and perfectly proportioned. In fact, the average dress size for women in the
I know so many guys, good guys, who will fall all over themselves when the “perfect chick” walks by, but rarely take 5 seconds to tell their girlfriends that they look nice today. They don’t do it to be mean or rude. After all, men can’t help the fact that sometimes the “little brain” takes control. That doesn’t change the fact that it can really mess with a girl’s head. I’ve seen first hand what can happen to a girl when her self-confidence is trampled on by a man. My best friend was, in high school the quintessential jerk magnet.
If there was a jerk within five miles, she was guaranteed to find him and date him. These guys messed with her self-esteem to the point that she was very nearly anorexic at one point. She wouldn’t eat anything but raisins and she only drank water because she was convinced that her boyfriend wouldn’t cheat on her anymore if she were skinnier. So she lost a lot of weight, made all of her friends worry about her, and in the end, still lost the guy to another girl.
Girls, there is a lesson to be learned here. No man, no person really, is worth this kind of torture to yourself. People who really care about you don’t care that you don’t have the “perfect” body.
There’s a little “ugly girl” in every woman, some more than others. We’re all guilty of thinking we’re not pretty enough, skinny enough. That’s okay. As long as there are people around to tell you that you look nice or that you’re beautiful just the way you are, everything will be fine.
When the “ugly girl” starts to take over is when the problems start. This will more than likely happen when there are people telling you that you’d be so pretty if…(fill in the blank). Confidence comes from within, not from without, but what other people say does matter, and anyone who says differently is lying. Don’t let the “ugly girl” win. Boys, you can help keep the “ugly girl” away too. Take the time to tell your girlfriend, your female friends in general, that they look nice. You might just make someone’s day.
